"When I tell you something is dangerous, I mean it. And, I never forget the Victims"
T.J. Hooker
"Everyone can master a Grief but he who has it”
William Shakespeare
”I had given him a life not worth living, but I had also given him an iron will to live. This was a common combination on the planet Earth”
Kurt Vonnegut about his character, Kilgore Trout.

Thursday, October 6, 2016

Thursday Thirteen: Everything and anything....

...... while in transit from Wild Insanity to Preternatural Calm.  These all will be quite random.

Being as how I have been threatened, from the back of beyond, with that foolproof Monty Python threat of being "hung by the neck" until I cheer up, I've put together a little reminder of how the human species has always survived the God AWFUL  things that the fickle finger of FATE (Please refer to old "Laugh In" episodes) and other humans - have inflicted upon them.  This mostly means Wars, Bars, Cars and, what, maybe Alligators?

If you would like to play along?  Go HERE and check out this very different and completely free-form and fun Meme.

Thoughts about Life moving forward: Thirteen little rules and observations, or, if you will,  The Do's and Dont's - in not so fine print.  These are mine but feel free to launch them if they may help you....

1. DO: Knit ever day, just  create a time to do this every single day that I'm home.
Every time I don't knit I MISS it, BUT it's harder to pick up the needles because I m so restless that every time I start one thing,  I think immediately that  I should be doing something else!  There shouldn't be a timetable for this life but it's there, lurking in the back of my head.

I want to do the knitting that was a "dying wish" - her words- expressed by my daughter, to wit, that I should make both booties and short fingered gloves for the cancer patients at the hospital where she received care.  She had told us in a phone call, a few days before she passed away, that their little hands and feet were very cold and there were enough hats to make a roadway to Hell, but not nearly enough fingerless mitts or booties.

2. DO: walk a lot more.... Now that it's cooler, I can walk more.  I'm not walking outside at all and haven't because of the heat.  It's been so terribly hot this summer.  Now is the time to get in more walking (and bird watching) since it's been cooling off.  I want to go down to the river and watch for the migrating birds that congregate, by the river verges, on the Pacific flyway.  We have so many migrants this time of year.

3. DON'T: eat any extra  chocolate, anymore.  Of all the things that I'm writing here, this is the one that will, undoubtedly, be the most ignored.  If I cared as much about how wide my fandango is getting, and I guess I don't, I would do this.
c/o the Daily Mail UK
Is  this Kardashian wearing Spanx?
But this little "DON'T" will most likely be a Full on Fail, as I know myself.  Furthermore, I freaking don't care anymore.  There are things that are much more important in life, like just being LOVING to your grand daughters, no matter how tall or "big" they are.  They still want your love.  Even if they do tower above you by almost a foot, they are tender hearted need their grandmother at this stage of their lives.  They are smiling down at you and longing for your love and acceptance.  That is a word to the wise, there.


4. DO: take more pictures.   I need to do more sky watching, and carry that camera everywhere.  Also, I shall give some utter lollygagging a try.  It's good to just let this inner spirit of mine fly away to deep space, and merge with the Cosmos.  This winter, I will go look for Arcturus,  Hokule'a, "Star of Gladness", and just admire and watch it, like Jazzie and I used to do.



5. DO: Quit wishing for things I cannot have.  Mostly it's money to buy all the girls nice little houses where they live.  I'm glad Canada's government  caught on to what was happening to their housing market, the same Vulture Capitalist thugs making housing into cash cows for themselves.  The Canadian Government has started clamping down on it like Ford did.  Smart man, President Ford.

6. DO: cut your hair.  Yes,  I want to cut all my head hair off so as not to have to deal with it anymore!  With my gimpy shoulders it's hard to deal with washing any length of hair longer than a Pixie cut.

7.  DO: think about Boarding up the house and just traveling- just take off.  Land whenever and wherever, like the Gypsy you were born to be.  Start by inching up the coast day by day, which sounds like wonderful fun, I mean after driving through Los Angeles, non stop.  But take the knitting and the chocolate. (and the Tarot cards).  Take the kind of chocolate that you can just eat while doing all that walking and bird watching and sky watching.

8. DON'T: watch anymore mysteries/crime lab drama/ chick flicks while knitting.  It does NOT work out well when knitting an Aran sweater.  Save that for the Super Bowl when you don't give a flying  fig for what happens on that field.  Take your knitting to Thanksgiving, where it's wall to wall football and happily knit away.

9.  DO: Kiss Mr. Z on the crook of his neck more often, but not while he's cutting up things in the kitchen or juggling hot pans.

10.  DON'T: buy another Gadget "thinga" just because you simple cannot find that set of double pointed needles/hair clips/stitch counter/heart shaped beads or any OTHER bead for that matter.  And you do not need any new wigjig even if the damned thing is HEART SHAPED, YOU DO NOT NEED IT!
Nature provides Heart Shapes Aplenty

11. DO: buy those Tarot Cards (done) and the book that tells you how to interpret them.  Even if you Do not believe in it, they are, like anything else under the Sun, including Balaam's Ass, a way for the Lord to talk to you IF the Lord chooses to.
Believe that the Universe is Kind and not really out to get you, and bite you on that big Arse
you are developing from eating too much chocolate and sitting around knitting and reading, or even  just watching evening soap operas which take the Guise of a Serialized Western about a Hunky Sheriff.

12. DO: Enjoy the daily Bird Wars battles of five little hummingbirds all trying to OWN the Cape Honeysuckle.  I love how they dive bomb each other and then all take sips from flowers on opposite corners of that big bush.

13. DO: play more free cell/other on line games/music/or maybe hide and seek?  This is the beginning of the fifth month since Laura's passing...and this, is  the poem I remembered from long ago, and have searched for since hearing of her last moments.

According to those present, just before Laura lapsed into unconsciousness and passed away, she reached up and played with her little cat's ears, and with her Hospice nurse's keys, and giggled.  This was a sign to me that she meant to let us know she was going to be alright, even though we would be very sad. 

Edna St. Vincent Millay

Lament

"Listen, children: 
Your father is dead. 
From his old coats 
I'll make you little jackets; 
I'll make you little trousers 
From his old pants. 
There'll be in his pockets 
Things he used to put there, 
Keys and pennies 
Covered with tobacco; 
Dan shall have the pennies 
To save in his bank; 
Anne shall have the keys 
To make a pretty noise with. 
Life must go on, 
And the dead be forgotten; 
Life must go on, 
Though good men die; 
Anne, eat your breakfast; 
Dan, take your medicine; 
Life must go on; 
I forget just why."


Thanks for listening to my laments.  I'm learning to let my belovéd daughter go, so she may truly Rest in Peace, as any soul must do after such a horrific battle.  

10 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. You're welcome Mia Celeste. They all apply to me, but I'm an old crone who learned the hard way. <y hope is for other people cutting out some of that "nastical" learning curve.

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  2. Such a sweet request from your daughter for the other cancer patients. I know they get plenty of hats. I never thought of fingerless gloves and booties. You will honor her by making them!! I'm right there with you on the whole weight issue. I don't know that I much care anymore either. And I would rather eat the chocolate! I have a pixie cut but it has grown very shaggy. I need to cut my hair too!! I know your struggles with the grieving process. I am still going through it and missing my beloved Richard. I am not ready to let him go. Maybe I will someday. For now I need to cling to the memories. Your daughter was very blessed to have you for her mom! Sending you the biggest of hugs!! Just keep breathing and taking small steps!

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    1. She was a sweet and undervalued person, was our Laura. She should have had a PHD in Physics and if the world were a fair place, she would have.

      I'll keep moving. One man said, "I'm crawling, but I'm moving". Thanks for those big hugs and some right back to you. Watching my sister sink into this illness I remember your journey. Big, BIG hugs, Paula.

      Let's get hair cuts! We can always wear hats on the cold days. :o)

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  3. I don't knit, but I do cross-stitch and make cards, so I know what you mean about "needing" to do it regularly, and how difficult it is to pick up again after a lengthy hiatus. I also need to walk more now that the temps are cooler, before it gets COLD, but it's sometimes difficult to work in around my work schedule, especially with shortening days and too much rain. Always have my camera with me when I do walk. Fail on the chocolate one, especially with Halloween candy being on sale everywhere right now, and it's getting to be that time of year when I'm ready to cut my hair — I need to have some length, and it's nice to be able to get it off my neck in summer, but it's really starting to bother me now. My T13

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    Replies
    1. Heather, I would love to make cards, and hope that you can get your groove back, for corss stitch, and cards.
      And, hair, ugh! I just can't stand long hair now as it's so thin that a bun for me is an itty bitty nob on the back of my head. I'll never let it be long again.

      Oh yes, camera's are so great these days. Even though I don't have anything special, I can see the advantage in even my small modern cameras. They can make a life a lot more fulfilling without waiting and without wasting film. Oooh, Halloween candy. DRAT! I must not, must not.. heehee..think about it.

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  4. I think your life tips are wonderful! It's about time we stop listening to everyone and accept ourselves as we are - chocolate cravings and all! Stay strong, dear Zippi. Stay strong.

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    1. Hail, CountryDew. And thanks for that. :o) It's time, I agree that we just accept ourselves the way we are.
      I'll try to stay strong. It's that "leg up, leg knocked out from under" time of this process. I feel bad enough but feel the worst for her sisters and her life long partner. I wish I could hug them every day, and bring them good things to eat.

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  5. God bless you, and your daughters (and Mr. Z of course).
    Your determination is simply awesome. You are one of my (few) personal heroes.

    I'm definitely with you on the knitting while watching/listening to mysteries, etc. It almost always leads to frogging.... ;-)

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    1. Karen, I missed this seeing your comment until now, when I was doing research of the T-13's.
      Thank you for all the support that you gave me during and after this new reality rode so roughly into town. I can never tell you how much it has helped me as I stumbled forward another year. Thank you! I hope you will see this. I am humbled that you think of me as a personal hero. I hope that you know I treasure you in this way as well. Keep breathing in and out and being, well, being YOU! Thanks again.

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I’m going through some stuff but I will peek in now and then and will be back when it’s over..